Just read this ...

In 2013 Alex Frachon graduated from high school, an experience he now describes as “like floating down a river in a rickety boat, putting band-aid after band-aid on the holes within the vessel.” The boat never sank, though, and Alex made it through the experience with his soul intact.

Alex was a happy-go-lucky sort of guy in high school. On his daily list of “things to do,” homework was probably something like number 14, right behind watching the garbage truck and skateboarding aimlessly up and down Ampudia Street. But having him in class was like teaching with a resident comedian in the back of the room. He had a thousand funny voices and would drop one into a discussion at any moment to get a laugh.  He was the kind of comedian who was always working with you rather than against you, a distinction that not all students understand.  He cracked me up.  Still does.

So it surprised me to hear that he regretted anything about his high school experience. As it turns out, looking back he simply wishes he had been more receptive to the advice he was getting. He just wasn’t in the right mind to hear it.

I am reminded of one of Alex’s favorite books (mine, too): The Catcher in the Rye. You might recall the scene toward the end of the book when Mr. Antolini, who is “oiled up” on highballs, gives Holden some absolutely stellar advice about how to deal with his teenage existential crisis. In a nutshell, he tells him to read, to educate himself, to learn from the long line of people before him who have written beautiful and poignant things about what to do when you are sickened by humanity. I’ve always thought that it was Salinger’s best advice, via Antolini, for premature malcontents everywhere.

But the key point here is that during the speech, Holden is barely listening. He feels like a heel because he is yawning during the most important parts. Broadly speaking, what Salinger is getting at is one of the points of Alex’s post: you have to be ready to hear advice. We learn in biology class that growth only happens when the conditions are right for growth, and I think the same can be said of people. They have to be in the right mindset. They can’t be yawning.

After high school, Alex moved to Chicago to attend Loyola University. After graduating, he worked for a local technology startup doing online marketing and now works in the Bing Ads department at Microsoft doing online advertisement analytics.

His essay is not about Holden Caulfield -- but it kind of is. “My post is about acceptance and constructional reflection. It's about acknowledging mistakes and asking questions. It's also sprinkled with satire about how closed-off your average 16-year-old high schooler is to any advice.”

- C. H.

While I genuinely enjoyed high school overall, it would be naive to deny the inevitable ups and downs every high schooler encounters. Here are a few things that would have made my time as a teenager a lot easier.

When I first began writing this, I wrote down all these little tips like “study hard, make a lot of unfamiliar friends, try new things…” Essentially I was writing a list that my high school self would have crumpled up and thrown into the trash while fading away and yelling “Kobe!” Any chance of retention would have been impeded by the ignorance and incognizance that tinted my high school shades. Accepting this, I decided to write a much simpler note.

High schoolers fuck up....  A lot.   As I look back, I wish I had had the mindset necessary to learn from those fuck-ups instead of internalizing, embodying, and personifying them.

I would often fail tests, miss assignments, and never reflect on it. If I had the skill of just learning from these mistakes and oversights, I would most likely have implemented preventative measures. This is a lesson that dozens of teachers and counselors tried to hammer into my adolescent brain, but I was convinced that I was a shitty student or that everyone was smarter than me. I had to learn it on my own, unfortunately.  So here goes....


Dear 16-year-old Alex,

You’re going to make mistakes. You’re not going to know what to do. That’s completely fine; no one your age knows what the hell is going on either. Use the mistakes as a guide. What happened? How? Why? Program yourself to ask those questions at every mistake. I promise you will see less and less of those mistakes once you understand why.

Also, take some time to reflect on what you have now, in high school. Don’t put college on a pedestal. Yes, it’s going to be a blast, but don’t let it blind you from what you have already. Take a step back and look at the things you won’t have for a while: your family, your friends, your house, your mom’s home-cooked meals, your car, your city, and, of course, your pet Charlie who will unfortunately pass away unexpectedly in the years to come (so give him a few extra hugs today).

All I’m saying is that you can look forward to the future while still being in the present. Always, always, always look around at what you have, where you are, who you’re with, and why you are where you are. Your soon-to-be favorite rapper Saba has a great quote in his song Comfort Food. “Love is found when it’s lost.”

To move forward effectively, you have to know where you are in the present. What are you doing now? Is that going to get you where you want to be? If not, what else do you need to do? Keep asking questions and answering them.

The last piece of advice also serves as a conclusion. I hope that you at least listened to some of my advice. I remember being completely closed off to any and all figures of authority when I was a teenager, but I wish I had learned to just listen. The skill of listening to those around you is one that is better to learn earlier rather than later. If I had listened more carefully and open-mindedly at your age, I probably wouldn’t have graduated with a 2.7 GPA, which is going to happen to you if you don’t:

- Ask yourself questions.
- Look back, be reflective.
- Look around, be thankful and mindful.
- Look forward, be proactive.
- Learn lessons. Take them with you and apply them moving forward. That is truly the most valuable and impactful piece of advice I would give to my high school self.