My honest college essay...

Emma Moore graduated in 2016. She was a stellar student in two of my classes -- AP Language and Honors English 12-- as well as a champion hiker in my interim class. The photograph below was taken after a long hike in the Laguna Mountains.

Like so many students, Emma gave off the impression that everything was just great all of the time. Smiling and solicitous, she was one of our Superkids -- the ones who can stay up half the night doing homework, show up for school the next day with a giant Starbucks and anchor the class discussion with buzzing energy and passion, and then go post a respectable time in the cross country meet after school. And then get up early the next day and do it all again.

But as is so often the case, the Superkid exterior was masking struggle and pain. Emma writes about that here, in a post that takes on the form of a "real" college essay -- how she would have used her 650 words if she had been telling the truth.

If Emma was a little lost in high school, she has certainly found her way in college, where she is a Human Development major at Cornell University. Discovering a passion for working with children, Emma works in the Early Childhood Cognition lab, serves as a Big Sister in Ithaca, and volunteers for Cornell Admissions as an "information specialist" (a.k.a., tour guide). She wants to go into human rights or advocacy work and is thinking about pursuing law school. 

Emma's post is painfully candid. "This is the college essay I would've written if I was being wholly honest as a high school senior," she said. "Although I reflect on the struggles of stress, peer pressure, and mental health, I also want to reach out to current high schoolers and offer advice on how to navigate this time in their lives so they can come away with a better experience than I had."


- C.H.

Dear College Admissions Officer of Prestigious University,

I know this is where you want me to talk about my endless list of high school activities, awards, and other fluff I’ve compiled over the past three and a half years. I know this is where you expect me to write about how much I love learning, how high school has transformed me, and how your university is just the right place for me to pursue my oh-so-directioned life goals. But instead, here’s the real truth about my high school experience.

High school is not like the movies or T.V. shows; uniforms are not flattering or cute, classes are not over in the span of a wide-angle lense shot, and tight-knit friendships aren’t as seamless or easy to come by. In fact, uniform skorts are purchased from the kids' section by 16-year-old girls and rolled up until the adjustable tabs leave indents in their hips. Classes that are 50 minutes drone on, and the hours of homework generate an endless cycle of stress and sleep deprivation. Finding your friend group takes hard work and effort, and for some (myself included) a true singular cohesive group never quite emerges.

I cannot tell you that high school has been the best time of my life, nor can I say it’s a period of time I plan to look back on fondly. I have been the student who wears a mask to campus each day, a smile painted on the plaster mold that hides my true identity. This mask has become so integral to my high school routine that much of the time, I myself cannot differentiate between the falsification and reality. To an onlooker, I am the picturesque high school student; straight A overachiever, captain of the cross country team, editor of the school magazine, girlfriend to the captain of the football team. I have convinced myself that because of this image I portray, I should be happy, successful, and prepared to tackle the world beyond the gated walls of my private school. But I am not—thus, something must be wrong with me.

Sitting in class, taking notes, and contributing to discussions is an orchestrated pantomime—while I speak about biology or English or history, my mind races with anxious thoughts of conversations left unfinished, work still untouched, fights yet to come. These churning thoughts coupled with self-doubt and thinly veiled bullying by so-called friends, manifests into anxiety and depression, more hurdles to conquer in the race to graduate. Still, my mask maintains its smile, cracks only faintly edging into the corners of the plaster.

I know that this is not one of the thousands of cliched “I can change the world” essays that you read each admissions cycle. I know that my experience in these so-called hallowed halls of a private high school is not universal, and it is not the uplifting story of success many want to hear. But it is real and impactful for me. While I may not have a firm direction in my goals or ambitions for college, I know that I am prepared to break free of the plaster mask that has confined me these past years. I hope to find my place and my passion at your university, and discover crucial parts of my identity that I never knew existed.

Sincerely,
Emma


Postscript: While this would have been my honest college essay and what I could have said if I had been telling the truth about my experience in high school, it doesn’t have to be the case for everyone. There may not be a script for navigating the ever-changing halls of high school, but that doesn’t mean, looking back, there aren’t things I would do differently to get the most out of my experience. Entering this new world that seems full of falseness becomes much less frightening if you can don the armor of genuineness. If you can find something—a sport, a club, a class—that makes you happy, pursue it, regardless of what others think. If you go after something you love, you’ll find your friends along the way; shared interests help make connections that can last beyond your four years of high school. Don’t be afraid of who you are or what you’re interested in, because these are the things that make you unique.

At the same time, try to understand that mistakes, failure, and rejection are part of growing up, and while it’s natural to fear them, learning from incidents like these will help make you more resilient, resourceful, and prepared for life after graduation. Reflecting on my time in high school, I wish that I had had the courage to embrace myself for who I was without letting the pressure of conformity and pseudo-popularity drag me into its current. Although high school wasn’t easy for me, it taught me the invaluable skills of resilience, independence, and the importance of asking for help when you need it—all of which have molded me into the confident and happy individual I am today.

To those who pushed me, challenged me, and guided me through the rough waters of high school, thank you. To the rest of you about to enter into or continue your time in high school, don’t let my experience deter you—you have the strength, intelligence, and ability to make these four years whatever you want. Stay true to yourself, build relationships and explore passions, and you’ll be able to navigate whatever the storm of high school brings your way—things’ll turn out alright in the end. They have for me.