Four more years...

Grayson Lang graduated from high school in 2015. He was a strong student and a good class citizen, but the thing I remember most about him was the depth of his love for nature. When he was in my interim class (“Nature, Writing, and Solitude”), he ran the trails like a deer and yawped for all the world to hear on the top of Garnet Peak. When he was a student in my Honors English 12 class, he completed a capstone project about the role of nature in the contemporary world that included dozens of hours of video of his beloved Laguna Mountains.

Grayson has not written a piece about nature here -- but, in a way, he has. The way I read it, he is writing about embracing your natural self. Transcendentalism 101. He has written the post in verse (a first for the blog), so the message is up for interpretation, but one thing that ties it to some previous entries, and indeed the entire 650 project, is the emancipation that comes with freeing yourself from the expectations of others. The day you stop basing your behavior on the imagined judgments of others is the day you start to feel a sturdy self taking shape.

Grayson attended the University of San Diego, graduating this past May with a degree in Biology and a minor in Chemistry. Recently, he made the “best stupid decision” of his life and adopted an adorable rescue pup Monty (photo above), and together they have been on "The Road" as much as possible, trying to absorb the natural beauty of Southern California and beyond. He is currently working as a Chemistry Research Intern for Forge Therapeutics, as well as at Bub's Dive Bar in Pacific Beach (“balance is crucial,” he says). In his free time, he enjoys cycling all around San Diego as well as rock climbing in Mission Gorge. Grayson also coached Cross Country for Francis Parker for a few years, and after a year off, he intends to join the coaching staff once again this fall.

Grayson’s poem reads like a raw and honest answer to Dr. Seuss’s “Oh the Places You’ll Go,” the perennial graduation day gift. “We will always be surrounded by the muck and the mire,” Grayson said. “In fact, one could argue that it is multiplying exponentially day by day. By shifting our frame of reference and concentrating on the things that we value and prioritizing the activities and the ones we love, we may ultimately be able to rise above the things which were previously holding us back. Learning is a dynamic process and shouldn't be looked at as a task list.”

- C.H.

Four more years:

Those were the words i uttered aloud, as i walked ‘cross a stage on a warm summer's day, four years ago, and again on this day.

i was over the people, the bullshit the mess
The high expectations:
i huffed and i gasped

i was ready to leave, no
Ready to SPRINT,
To “live my own life” and discover the rest.

i began my own journey, a dark twisted tourney,
Of finding myself and the person within me.
i hid my past from the people I met,
From the people i knew, and the people i loved

They would ask me “how are you, and how was your day?”
One simple response was all i had in me:
i’m doing, i’m fine, i dont want to answer,
Being left alone was my definitive pleasure

The days turned to weeks and the weeks into months,
Before i had blinked it was already a year.
My mental was blurry, i felt half asleep,
i knew not of my future, i’d forgotten my past, a dark twisted soul with his heart in a glass.

“i’ll take that on ice”
As i drowned out the pain, with things of this world that were not meant to stay.
i surrounded myself with those i "looked up to”
Knowing not of the issues it would eventually lead to.

My ill-lit voyage was far from over,
i thought that somedays i would simply fall over.
From the pain, and the sorrow, the gloomy embraces,
The half-hearted love from those i looked up to,
i thought myself as a king, or maybe a prince,
A Machiavellian character, who would not do the least.
“Oh no no no, it was too cold always…
i was much too far out all my life,
Not waving but drowning.”

But then one day, I thought to myself
“Why don’t I take my fucking head out of my ass”
I need to change my perspective, and live life for me,
All the people I’m pleasing, taking advantage of me.

I love to love deeply, and freely, and often.
I don’t take for granted the things I’ve been offered.
I do what I want, but I do it for me,
Not expecting devotion, or payment, even recognition.

This life that I live is the only one I have,
And the same goes for you.
Rather than float along in the bubble, the castle in the air,
Expect the most from yourself and stop at nothing to achieve what you know is true.

Don’t let the parties, the bullshit, the mess,
Ever, ever EVER allow you to digress.

So here I stand four years later, wondering what happened to the last four years.
A degree in my hand, a life having been lived.

The mistakes that I made and the allies I gained,
All make me the man I’m proud to be today.

I lift my head, excited for the future and proud to be me,
taking my next steps towards the next four years.