Daring greatly ...

For her Capstone Project in Honors English 12, Rachel Bruno studied the work of Dr. Brene Brown, a researcher from the University of Houston who has written extensively about courage, shame, and vulnerability. Rachel ended up producing her own website that, like this blog, provided a forum for people to tell their stories.

If you don’t know about Brene Brown, you might watch her Ted Talk, which distills some of her most popular ways of thinking. Having read some of her work and heard her talk on a number of podcasts, I’ve always been impressed. It is intriguing to me when I hear something that I immediately recognize to be true but have never thought of in the stated terms. This has happened a number of times in reading or listening to Brene Brown.

It strikes me as true, for instance, that we spend an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to avoid shame in whatever form it might take. Without even thinking about it, we seek to minimize the possibility of shame by avoiding the kinds of risks that would leave us vulnerable to failure. I’ve certainly taken circuitous paths in my life to avoid shame and risk. Building on the work of Brown, Rachel tests this ‘daring greatly’ thinking against applying to college, a process where acceptance and rejection are writ large and entirely literal.

Rachel graduated with the wonderful class of 2016 and is currently working toward a double major in Data Analytics and Business at Bentley University, a small business school outside of Boston. This summer she will be working at TJX, the parent company of TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and Home Goods. She is currently on the executive board of her sorority and the captain of the Bentley volleyball team.

Rachel’s piece is geared specifically toward the college process, but much of her advice applies to life in general. “My post is an assortment of what I have learned in the life I have had so far,” she said. “And I do my best to make my story helpful to others going through the college process.”

- C.H.

My experience with choosing (and being chosen) by universities was a bit different from the norm, since I was set on playing volleyball in college. Even though I did not get rejected formally from colleges through applying, I still experienced rejection through emails and phone calls from coaches. There were schools that I disqualified myself from because I thought there was no way I could get in, but now I will never know.

My first piece of advice regarding rejection: even if your fear of rejection runs as deep as mine, it is not your decision to reject your application -- let the university be in charge of that. I am learning to deal with rejection (and still have a long way to go) in my relationships, in my rejection emails from summer internships, and many other areas of my life. Rejection does not go away after you survive the trenches of applying to college, so you might as well start getting used to it now. It is painful and humbling, but I feel that I have become a more resilient person and gained perspective from these failures. Thinking of one of the most influential researchers I have ever come across, Brene Brown tells us that we must push ourselves to dare greatly, because vulnerability is the gateway to joy and wholeheartedness. So dare greatly in your college applications and in life, because no one achieved their dreams by daring hardly.

My freshman year writing professor told me to write what I know, and I have oddly applied his methodology to many aspects of my life. I compared college shopping to clothes shopping. I like to sort through piles of sale items and to search thrift stores in hopes of finding a great piece. There are many aspects of a great piece, including the color, size, brand, and style. Sometimes, you may compromise on some aspects because you really love how you feel in it, or something about it is so unique you cannot resist. Let’s say you find an amazing little black dress, among other items. Your judgmental and picky mom is turning down everything you try on at the store, and your best friend is telling you the brand of the little black dress you picked out isn’t cool enough. Despite your entourage, you put on the little black dress and think it fits well and feels like it was made for you. Now you are at a crossroads. Do you trust and follow the opinions of those closest to you, or do you follow what your gut is telling you? All of these things influence your decision.

So how does this relate to college? Well, looking and applying to school is like shopping. You have predetermined standards, like school size, location, and prestige. It is hard to overcome the pressure to go to the most well-known or prestigious school, because we are trained to think the school we attend defines us. In this, I quote my friend Reece Salmons in saying, “stop the charade.” By no means is it easy to turn down the big brand school or to buy the designer brand dress, because it looks good. I thought the college I went to defined my worthiness and academic integrity. I felt like I was seeking approval for the prestige of the college I selected, but whose approval was I looking for? My parents were very supportive of my decision no matter what I chose, and my friends only wanted the best for me, so who does that leave? It leaves the people who DON’T matter. Stop trying to impress irrelevant people with the college you go to, and instead work your ass off wherever you end up. Work ethic reaches much further than a name of a university.

I know, easier said than done. I still struggle with image, and I am approaching another academic hurdle. I am starting to research graduate school. Deciding where to apply and where to go will be another gut-check moment just like my undergraduate decision, but all I can do now is have faith that I will choose wisely and follow what I am preaching to you. I felt great freedom when I was aware of how much I cared about image, and I work every day to overcome it. I wish you the same awareness -- not only in your college process, but in life as well.