Deconstructing the caterpillar...
Tim Barry graduated from high school in 2011 as an undistinguished student. He was entirely comfortable with this lack of distinction. In fact, I always got the impression that he treated high school like a humorous reality TV series -- or maybe a four-year-long ridiculous improv show that ended with someone jumping out from behind the podium at graduation and saying “Spaghett”! (To understand that joke, you have to watch this video that Tim used to mimic all the time when he was a junior in my American Literature class.)
Tim was and is a likeable guy. He wasn’t particularly serious about academics, but we had some laughs together back in the day. When he spoke in class, he had a way of pretending to be very serious while barely restraining his laughter. Ask him to tell the story about the time I razzed him while he was just about to throw the shot put at Clairemont High. Good times! Spaghett!
Tim’s story is a good reminder that the rigid structures of high school aren’t for everyone. Traditional academics aren’t for everyone. Tim clowned his way through high school because he was a creative guy who didn’t see many outlets for his interests in the classroom.
I reconnected with Tim a few years ago over a book. We exchanged a flurry of messages about Blood Meridian, one of the most difficult and challenging books I have ever taught. It is not a book Tim would have picked up in high school, but here he was a young adult, challenging himself intellectually in working through what most consider to be Cormac McCarthy’s most difficult novel. It occurred to me that sometimes it takes getting out of the confines of the school environment to really start educating yourself.
Tim is doing great these days. He worked freelance film in San Diego for a time, spent five months in South America learning Spanish and backpacking, and now lives in LA where he does freelance work and focuses on a variety of creative endeavors.
Tim’s post is somewhat abstract and metaphorical, but he is writing about something very tangible and real: freeing yourself from the judgments of others. “College is just one part of life and life itself will never be something you win,” he said. “Our society focuses on external accomplishments but in the end, your internal compass and values are worth more than any salary. To be honest, I wasn’t interested in academia or school spirit when I was in high school. I wanted to focus on art and developing my craft, so that’s what I did in college."
- C.H.
When a caterpillar enters a cocoon and eventually becomes the moth, the time in between is odd. The caterpillar melts to a goo first. Eventually, this life goo will develop into the solid form of butterflies or moths.
Given this is a college inspiration essay, the metaphor is pretty obvious; you’re an infantile, wide-eyed, wayward caterpillar ready to crystallize and realize your potential; the butterfly or moth. The ‘goo’ part is my main focus in this essay.
It’s not an A to B path from caterpillar to butterfly. First, the caterpillar is deconstructed. You’re going to unlearn after high school. A part of constructing identity is removing past masks and losing values that don’t interest you anymore. Titles earned in high school are no longer perpetuated; they disappear into the temporal ether. You’ll develop new ideas, beliefs, and values; you'll meet new people, associate with new groups, and visit new places. You’ll grow a lot. Like, a lot.
Does this growth end with college? The moment our diploma is handed to you and the light illuminates your face to a sea of clapping hands, are you a butterfly? Or is it when you get the dream job in New York from a referral? Or does that salary with a raise, financial security and status finally teach you to fly?
The truth is you're not going to university, you’re already in it. You were born in university and you’ll be in it until you die. It’s called life; it’s governed by laws, most often mystery, but if you show up, you’ll never stop learning.
Back to this butterfly. While nature guarantees a butterfly given there’s no interruption, that’s not true for you. Showing up, getting good grades, and earning a diploma is an accomplishment, but what we’re looking for is internal alchemy. Titles, accomplishments, roles, status, are all examples of ego. There are men and women right now who have diplomas, big salaries, and cool sports cars who are absolutely miserable. In the eyes of the people, these people have it all. But they may be denying an inner calling that will atrophy the soul. It's like if you don't exercise. Your inner light, if not expressed, will darken.
Make the decision now, scream it if you have to, that you are doing all this for you. Not for your parents, not for your friends, not because you're worried you’ll have nothing to show while friends become doctors and lawyers.
People may not understand you if you choose the path that calls to you, and then comes the decision as old as time. Do I walk out of the known, from my values and tribe, to really see and make myself? Do I risk being a pariah in hopes my vision of who I am is fulfilled?
It’s a self-trust issue. Leaving for university is a leap into the unknown, give yourself credit for that, but completely filling your potential, following that deep current that drives you -- that is your true calling. Make the decision to trust yourself and pursue what your soul screams, even if it means making others angry or disappointed, because most the time it will, and that’s alright. Make the decision to learn life, learn yourself, and learn to communicate well with others. College does not guarantee you these skills. Life isn’t a process of perfection; it’s a process of refinement.
In a day in age where mankind is going to have to rethink humanity, connection, identity and existence, know your worth as an individual and your power for change. The crazy ones, the iconoclasts, the daydreamers are the ones who shake the current cages of mankind. Do so with a big heart, yet be humble. Follow that career that your parents don’t understand, go to that concert your friends won’t, read a difficult book in order to be educated on a topic you normally wouldn’t know.
Also, take that deep breath in the morning. Remind yourself you’re alive. Take up space, swear away being hesitant. Every human is a fool. Make a choice to be a wise one.
At this moment, anxious highschooler, you are ignorant to your potential, and that’s a beautiful thing. Proving your insecurities wrong time and time again is alchemy. Your diploma, GPA and extracurriculars, are prestidigitation.
Tim’s post is somewhat abstract and metaphorical, but he is writing about something very tangible and real: freeing yourself from the judgments of others. “College is just one part of life and life itself will never be something you win,” he said. “Our society focuses on external accomplishments but in the end, your internal compass and values are worth more than any salary. To be honest, I wasn’t interested in academia or school spirit when I was in high school. I wanted to focus on art and developing my craft, so that’s what I did in college."
- C.H.
When a caterpillar enters a cocoon and eventually becomes the moth, the time in between is odd. The caterpillar melts to a goo first. Eventually, this life goo will develop into the solid form of butterflies or moths.
Given this is a college inspiration essay, the metaphor is pretty obvious; you’re an infantile, wide-eyed, wayward caterpillar ready to crystallize and realize your potential; the butterfly or moth. The ‘goo’ part is my main focus in this essay.
It’s not an A to B path from caterpillar to butterfly. First, the caterpillar is deconstructed. You’re going to unlearn after high school. A part of constructing identity is removing past masks and losing values that don’t interest you anymore. Titles earned in high school are no longer perpetuated; they disappear into the temporal ether. You’ll develop new ideas, beliefs, and values; you'll meet new people, associate with new groups, and visit new places. You’ll grow a lot. Like, a lot.
Does this growth end with college? The moment our diploma is handed to you and the light illuminates your face to a sea of clapping hands, are you a butterfly? Or is it when you get the dream job in New York from a referral? Or does that salary with a raise, financial security and status finally teach you to fly?
The truth is you're not going to university, you’re already in it. You were born in university and you’ll be in it until you die. It’s called life; it’s governed by laws, most often mystery, but if you show up, you’ll never stop learning.
Back to this butterfly. While nature guarantees a butterfly given there’s no interruption, that’s not true for you. Showing up, getting good grades, and earning a diploma is an accomplishment, but what we’re looking for is internal alchemy. Titles, accomplishments, roles, status, are all examples of ego. There are men and women right now who have diplomas, big salaries, and cool sports cars who are absolutely miserable. In the eyes of the people, these people have it all. But they may be denying an inner calling that will atrophy the soul. It's like if you don't exercise. Your inner light, if not expressed, will darken.
Make the decision now, scream it if you have to, that you are doing all this for you. Not for your parents, not for your friends, not because you're worried you’ll have nothing to show while friends become doctors and lawyers.
People may not understand you if you choose the path that calls to you, and then comes the decision as old as time. Do I walk out of the known, from my values and tribe, to really see and make myself? Do I risk being a pariah in hopes my vision of who I am is fulfilled?
It’s a self-trust issue. Leaving for university is a leap into the unknown, give yourself credit for that, but completely filling your potential, following that deep current that drives you -- that is your true calling. Make the decision to trust yourself and pursue what your soul screams, even if it means making others angry or disappointed, because most the time it will, and that’s alright. Make the decision to learn life, learn yourself, and learn to communicate well with others. College does not guarantee you these skills. Life isn’t a process of perfection; it’s a process of refinement.
In a day in age where mankind is going to have to rethink humanity, connection, identity and existence, know your worth as an individual and your power for change. The crazy ones, the iconoclasts, the daydreamers are the ones who shake the current cages of mankind. Do so with a big heart, yet be humble. Follow that career that your parents don’t understand, go to that concert your friends won’t, read a difficult book in order to be educated on a topic you normally wouldn’t know.
Also, take that deep breath in the morning. Remind yourself you’re alive. Take up space, swear away being hesitant. Every human is a fool. Make a choice to be a wise one.
At this moment, anxious highschooler, you are ignorant to your potential, and that’s a beautiful thing. Proving your insecurities wrong time and time again is alchemy. Your diploma, GPA and extracurriculars, are prestidigitation.
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