Investing in your most important relationship...

MORGAN OBERSTEIN graduated from high school in 2008.  A thoughtful reader and sharp writer, she aced my AP Language and Composition class as a junior.  One thing I will always remember:  she and some friends came back during their senior year and won the schoolwide Jeopardy Tournament (see pic below; she is second from left).  


From high school Morgan went to UCLA, played lacrosse, majored in Sociology and Global Studies all the while doing her prerequisites for chiropractic school. Then she moved up to the Bay Area for chiropractic school, graduated, opened up a practice from scratch with her now fiancé, where she specializes in providing care for pregnant women and kids.  She also coaches (and still plays) lacrosse and runs a non-profit focused on bringing natural healthcare to underserved populations. 

In her post here, she taps her 18-year-old self on the shoulder and shares a few things with her.  “My post is about a few things I wish I would have known or heard back when I was an insecure high schooler who thought she knew it all. You can hide behind a lengthy list of accomplishments and college acceptances, but the most important thing in life is to get to know who you are and find power in being you … when in reality, I think most (myself included) spend much of high school trying to be like everybody else.”

- C.H.

It’s been ten years since I walked across the stage of my high school graduation to reach out and receive what seemed like the most important piece of paper in my life. Full of energy and hope, and a little fear of the unknown, I felt as if I already had so much life experience in my eighteen years. Yet here I am, a decade later, thinking back on my time in high school as if I’m watching a movie reel, where the main character kind of looks like me, but is unrecognizable at the same time.

If I could jump into the scenes playing in my head I would befriend that blonder, younger, more insecure version of myself and give her a hug. I’d whisper in her ear that “one day, you’ll get to know how powerful it is to just BE YOU.” She’d look confused, in her white vans and juicy couture zip up hoodie, not able to fully understand what I mean.

I’d grab her hand and have her follow me across campus to Mr. Cheskaty’s woodshop, a place she would come to appreciate more after high school was over, a place where she would start to build her confidence in being different. While her classmates would build chairs and tables and stools, she would make beautiful vases, ornate picture frames and a butterfly that took half of high school to finish, and still hangs on her wall ten years later. I’d sit down with her at a workbench, the smell of freshly cut pine filling the air, and share with her a few things I had learned over this past decade.

1.    Say “yes” when you’re scared and uncomfortable. So much of life is focused on doing what we’re good at and finding things that make us feel comfortable and secure. We rarely focus on what we aren’t good at or what we don’t like to do and why. Yet it’s when you put yourself in uncomfortable situations that you are able to experience growth and resilience, and shine a light on what you are truly capable of. One day you will have gotten up on stage to speak to thousands of colleagues and you will be filled with gratitude that you said “yes” when you were scared. You will be grateful that you said “yes” to your seventh grade English teacher when he asked if you would recite your oration aloud to the whole school, hands shaking and voice trembling.

2.    Say “no” when you want to. Along with saying yes in the face of fear, you must also get comfortable saying no when you truly mean it. Forget if “everyone is going” or “you’re missing out.” It’s time to start listening to the little voice within you. You’re all too familiar with the feeling of forcing a “yes” to going with your friends to a party on a Friday night when deep down you know you just wanted to get dinner and watch a movie with your mom and dad. When you start listening and honoring your inner voice, it will become louder and clearer and it will lead you to all the best places and all the best people in your life. And one day, you will miss your parents!

3.    Your story matters. Ever been in a classroom when everyone has to go around and share something interesting about themselves, and you feel like you have nothing to contribute? Like you can’t possibly compare to the stories of your friends who have been through fascinating experiences or unimaginable challenges. It’s that empty feeling of sitting down to write a college essay about an obstacle you’ve overcome and no personal event seems worthy. Well, you’re wrong. You matter. What you have been through matters. You just need to find the voice to be able to share it. The simplest of experiences can make for the best stories, like losing a lacrosse game or getting left out by your sisters. It’s not about what happened; it’s about who you became because it happened. When you can find the voice to share your stories, I promise that people will listen.

4.    That thing you love to do…keep doing it. Sometimes your life may seem like one large daily planner. You cross out items on a to-do list as you aspire to accomplish the next thing. Well, as you get older it only gets tougher. The stakes grow higher, the list gets longer, and the time in a day somehow gets shorter. You will get good at prioritizing what is important for the success of your future, but you cannot forget to prioritize what makes you happy. In fact, it is those things that will have the biggest impact on your life. Despite not being able to justify having the time to do it because there are more important things to do…do it anyway. Practice the instrument, buy the tickets, plant the flowers, play the sport. One day you will realize that the random sport you decided to play in high school will have taught you more about life than any classroom ever could. What you love will connect you with some of the most influential people in your life and provide you with the opportunity to have an impact in the lives of others. Never stop doing what you love, for it is the best way to invest in your most important relationship: the relationship with yourself.