Win the day ...

Uthara Vengrai graduated with the stellar class of 2016.  She was in two of my classes -- AP Language and Honors English 12.  One of the reasons I reached out to her to write something for the blog is because of the way she always modeled a kind of inner calmness.  The high school world can be a frenetic one, a nonstop carnival of fun and good times, but also pressure, stress, and worries.   It comes at you fast.  It can be like a vortex, and if you don’t throw a rope out and attach yourself to something, you can get sucked right down into the whirlpool of anxieties, sleep deprivation, and frantic busyness. 

When she was in high school, Uthara took the most challenging classes and generally worked at a very high level.  Somehow, though, she stayed clear of that vortex.  Even at the busiest of times, she always modeled a kind of daily tranquillity.  “The room gets calmer when she enters,” another teacher told me, as if her very presence has the effect of bringing everyone into the moment with her.

Uthara goes to UC Berkeley where she majors in Environmental Science (with a minor in Comparative Literature).  At the moment, she is studying abroad in Copenhagen.  

In her post, she offers up some practical advice on how to get your Zen on -- even when things get crazy.  “My post is about some of the questions I started to have when I was in high school about how to find significance in our everyday experiences,” she said.  “I feel like I've returned back to some pieces of guidance over the years that have helped clarify some of these questions for me. I would have liked to have heard them when I was in high school, so I figured someone else might too.”

A few days ago, I was reading one of those “Humans of New York” posts on Facebook. (This is the one in case you're curious.) The post is about this person who tried hard to resist the “rat race” but somehow saw his life unwittingly morph into it. There was this line in it that immediately stood out to me; he said, “Right now, everyone in this park is taking a break from the thing they have to get back to”. It was painful to read–the man in this post looks maybe ten years older than me and he describes his life like an obligation he doesn’t want to show up to anymore.

I sympathize with him and I, of course, worry about becoming him. When I was in high school, I started to feel the initial pulse of that fear. It was the first time I felt like there was some door about to slam on the best parts of my life and I was going to become neurotic and never read a poem again. That didn’t happen, though. I graduated high school, went to college, and everything expanded in a revitalizing, disquieting way. Part of it is college itself, certainly. But, I don’t think most of what has made my last few years exceptional comes from external influences. Things just started to feel calmer even when circumstances were not. One of the happiest memories from my past year was seeing a flock of birds flying over a tree at sunset on my walk home from the library. This was during finals week and I felt glorious. I started to appreciate the bike rides, coming home to friends, learning, reading, walking, breathing. Not to say that I am bubbling with gratitude at all moments, nor do I want to be.  I am twenty and that is an age of idealism I suppose. But, also, so much of what I learned about idealism came from my grandparents. So maybe just fuck the idea there is an age limit to joy called realism.

What about your impossibly busy schedule though? A tough workload, being involved in club sports, or whatever else it is that is penciled in at 3 p.m. that makes it difficult not to feel overwhelmed every goddamn day. The best way to ensure you resent something you once loved is to do it sleep-deprived for long stretches of time. These may be activities that you love or need to do, but try to find time that isn’t planned. We all need a couple of hours each day to think and wander. There is no relief waiting for you at the end of your obligation. We must breathe through the moments of our days and enjoy what we do or at least, enjoy why we do them.

There is so much about our lives that are driven by luck. My professor said just earlier today, “Darwin’s first realization was that most organisms don’t survive long enough to do anything with their lives.” Yet, we are here! Annie Dillard says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” So, all we can do is pay attention to our days. We soak in the sad, the bad, the good, the fantastic, and the meh all the time. Feel those emotions and keep your sensitivity brewing. Read, stare, lay, walk, bike, write, or do whatever else allows you to smile by yourself. Continue to improve and to question. No matter the age, we are fresh in the ways we can stretch our souls. Little in the human experience requires a race.  Unburden yourself, slow down, and relish in the prospect of showing up.