Carrying the fire ...
Milan Marrero graduated from Parker in 2014. As a junior in my American Lit class, he yukked it up all year long and learned a few things along the way. He was and is a very likable young man.
Last week we ran a piece by Natalie Schmidt about the shackles of perfectionism -- about how holding yourself to impossibly high standards can set you up for a big fall in the future. Milan’s story is the exact opposite.
Nobody would have ever called Milan an overachiever -- I can imagine his blast of incredulous laughter at the mere suggestion of it. In the end, though, this is still a story about regret, only the regret is about wasted opportunities rather than perfectionism. Ironically, Natalie and Milan reach some of the same conclusions in the end.
In high school, Milan was lazy and arrogant. He was something of a troublemaker -- a friendly, good-natured, back-slapping sort of troublemaker, but a troublemaker just the same. As you’ll see from his post, he was in cruise control the whole way, surviving on winks and smiles and boyish charm.
This mode of lazy, self-righteous entitlement continued after high school, eventually culminating in a single life-changing incident: a serious DUI arrest. The winking charm that worked in the classroom counted for nothing with the judge, who sent him to jail.
And that’s where Milan finally got to work. As part of his sentence, he began telling his story to student-athletes across San Diego County. At the same time, he worked hard in his community college classrooms, eventually earning enough credits to transfer to Santa Clara University, where he will graduate in the Spring.
Here, he simply tells his story. “My post is about taking advantage of the opportunity in front of you before you realize it's too late,” he said.
- C.H.
“Keep a little fire burning; however small, however hidden.”
“Keep a little fire burning; however small, however hidden.”
- Cormac McCarthy
Dear Know-It-All,
High School has been fun for you. You have good friends, school days are mostly comprised of fucking around, and you don’t really care about the high expectations of the school you attend. Even in classes where you do well, you never quite give your best effort. You think you know everything.
In your mind, having a good time usually reigns supreme over studying for the next big test. You love to push the limits with what you can get away with and feel validated when you make your peers and even teachers laugh. Teachers that you are fond of are graced by an intellectually engaged and moderately behaved student, whereas teachers less fortunate have a rather long class period ahead of them.
You are an average student on paper, but thrive in classes that grab your attention and skate by in ones you deem “unnecessary.” You know enough to be dangerous in many subjects and can successfully bullshit any assignment or teacher without having to put forth the real work. Your teacher evaluations all share a common theme: potential. At this point in your life, you are coasting off of natural ability, despite the yearning for more from others and maybe deep down from yourself. Your reasoning for this lack of effort can be summed up by a rather convenient indifference about said subject, therefore justifying your mediocrity.
The reality is that you are afraid. You are afraid of giving everything you've got and not being good enough. You are afraid of not living up to the extremely high expectations of your father. If you don’t ever push yourself to that point, then you never have to face failure because you can chalk any mediocrity up to your “I don’t care” mantra. You exude confidence, but slightly beneath the facade, there is always a bit of self-doubt.
You will focus solely on good times during your senior year and will undoubtedly have fun, but the next few years will be filled with humbling experiences and an overdue wake-up call. You will go on to play division 1 football, and see just how small a pond you really came from. After one year and several more “I don’t cares,” you will transfer to a junior college back home. There you will spend the next two years in intellectually lifeless classrooms whilst reflecting on the days at Parker when you didn’t fully appreciate what you had.
The two years you will spend there will feel like two decades. You will become inundated by social media posts from friends who are living it up at great universities across the country, while you head back to your parents’ house after class. You will have class every day and work long hours on the days that you don’t. You will feel stuck between two doors in life. You will watch your friends walk through the next door and move on with life, while you will feel trapped in a state of limbo. You will feel left behind.
You will fill this void with bad decisions and irrational behavior that will culminate with a night that will forever change you. You will hit rock bottom. You will feel as if your life is over. You will face obstacles you thought you never would. You will begin to question who you really are and what you want in this life.
You will find light in the darkest of times. You will find a new appreciation for your friends and family. You will distinguish the real friends from the many “good time” friends. You will reflect on the past while looking to turn the page to start a new chapter in your life. You will keep your fire burning even when it looks like it’s about to go out.
*****
By now you know the “you” is me. I thought I knew everything when I was your age and there would be nothing but good times ahead. Life has a funny way of revealing what’s important in times you’d least expect it.
Take advantage of every opportunity in front of you. Don’t take for granted your great school or your caring teachers who show that their relationship to you isn’t dismissed when class is.
At this point in your life, high school seems like everything. I understand it is hard to see outside the bubble, but it is truly small in the grand scheme of things. As cliched as it sounds, be yourself. Don’t get consumed with what others think of you or let yourself be put into a box. You’re still in the process of figuring out who you are. Don’t let a bad grade get you down or make a mountain out of a molehill. Regardless of how big of a deal you think something is, there’s a much bigger world out there beyond the gates of your high school.
Contrary to what you or your parents may think, you’re not perfect. And that’s okay. You will trip and stumble on whichever paths you take, but you will ultimately succeed due to the lessons learned along the way. Some may fall more than others, but what matters is that you get up. You will see that the fire inside of you is not easily extinguishable.
Your flame might flicker at times, but it won’t go out.
Dear Know-It-All,
High School has been fun for you. You have good friends, school days are mostly comprised of fucking around, and you don’t really care about the high expectations of the school you attend. Even in classes where you do well, you never quite give your best effort. You think you know everything.
In your mind, having a good time usually reigns supreme over studying for the next big test. You love to push the limits with what you can get away with and feel validated when you make your peers and even teachers laugh. Teachers that you are fond of are graced by an intellectually engaged and moderately behaved student, whereas teachers less fortunate have a rather long class period ahead of them.
You are an average student on paper, but thrive in classes that grab your attention and skate by in ones you deem “unnecessary.” You know enough to be dangerous in many subjects and can successfully bullshit any assignment or teacher without having to put forth the real work. Your teacher evaluations all share a common theme: potential. At this point in your life, you are coasting off of natural ability, despite the yearning for more from others and maybe deep down from yourself. Your reasoning for this lack of effort can be summed up by a rather convenient indifference about said subject, therefore justifying your mediocrity.
The reality is that you are afraid. You are afraid of giving everything you've got and not being good enough. You are afraid of not living up to the extremely high expectations of your father. If you don’t ever push yourself to that point, then you never have to face failure because you can chalk any mediocrity up to your “I don’t care” mantra. You exude confidence, but slightly beneath the facade, there is always a bit of self-doubt.
You will focus solely on good times during your senior year and will undoubtedly have fun, but the next few years will be filled with humbling experiences and an overdue wake-up call. You will go on to play division 1 football, and see just how small a pond you really came from. After one year and several more “I don’t cares,” you will transfer to a junior college back home. There you will spend the next two years in intellectually lifeless classrooms whilst reflecting on the days at Parker when you didn’t fully appreciate what you had.
The two years you will spend there will feel like two decades. You will become inundated by social media posts from friends who are living it up at great universities across the country, while you head back to your parents’ house after class. You will have class every day and work long hours on the days that you don’t. You will feel stuck between two doors in life. You will watch your friends walk through the next door and move on with life, while you will feel trapped in a state of limbo. You will feel left behind.
You will fill this void with bad decisions and irrational behavior that will culminate with a night that will forever change you. You will hit rock bottom. You will feel as if your life is over. You will face obstacles you thought you never would. You will begin to question who you really are and what you want in this life.
You will find light in the darkest of times. You will find a new appreciation for your friends and family. You will distinguish the real friends from the many “good time” friends. You will reflect on the past while looking to turn the page to start a new chapter in your life. You will keep your fire burning even when it looks like it’s about to go out.
*****
By now you know the “you” is me. I thought I knew everything when I was your age and there would be nothing but good times ahead. Life has a funny way of revealing what’s important in times you’d least expect it.
Take advantage of every opportunity in front of you. Don’t take for granted your great school or your caring teachers who show that their relationship to you isn’t dismissed when class is.
At this point in your life, high school seems like everything. I understand it is hard to see outside the bubble, but it is truly small in the grand scheme of things. As cliched as it sounds, be yourself. Don’t get consumed with what others think of you or let yourself be put into a box. You’re still in the process of figuring out who you are. Don’t let a bad grade get you down or make a mountain out of a molehill. Regardless of how big of a deal you think something is, there’s a much bigger world out there beyond the gates of your high school.
Contrary to what you or your parents may think, you’re not perfect. And that’s okay. You will trip and stumble on whichever paths you take, but you will ultimately succeed due to the lessons learned along the way. Some may fall more than others, but what matters is that you get up. You will see that the fire inside of you is not easily extinguishable.
Your flame might flicker at times, but it won’t go out.
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